Venting

Just as warning, I don't want any judgement, whoever is left that reads this. I need to vent and my head hurts and basically fuck.

Day before yesterday I was like this about my dad. I had to do some stuff on the computer and first of all got yelled at by my sister because even though she was on the other side of the room wrapping presents, she'd turned the computer on to use and had her memory stick plugged in. I didn't know this, there was no indication and may I point out that the USB connector was on the floor? A place I don't look when sitting down at a computer. Then later on after I'd finally managed to do what I needed to - the computer is slow as all get out - it was crashing as I tried to remove my sisters memory stick - which she couldn't be bothered to do herself. She didn't have time between finishing up, eating dinner and watching Dr Who. Oh yes, but I managed to have time to open up hotmail, save my image, open Publisher, paste it and print. But anyway. My dad then goes 'just shut it down it's okay.' Bear in mind I was already stressed. I then turn and see my mum going 'look at this' and holding up a crumpled teatowel, which I used to dry up earlier. Gee thanks, I dry up and get complained at for leaving a towel rumpled.
I don't entirely remember what happened next but I got annoyed, shut the computer down and then had my dad yell at me cause I'd let it do updates and we're not allowed to do that. Forgive me for forgetting an insignificant detail about a computer I use maybe once every few months when I need to print homework.
So, annoyed, I went to sit down and wait for the next TV programme to come on. Then my dad comes in and bitches that if the computer doesn't work again it's all my fault and other such niceties. Cue me storming upstairs reciting 'Give me the child, through dangers untold ...etc' over and over again so I don't punch my door in.

Then we have today. People were taking christmas decorations down etc. My dad wanted me to help take the lights down outside after dinner so I did. At no point did I hear my mum ask anything of me but for me to write my thank you letters. Which I have now done, thank you very much. So, as normal, I stayed in my room, vlogged, wrote a little, worked for a couple of hours on stuff for art and other things. Then just a bit before I started writing this, my brother says 'get you big fat face downstairs if you ever want anything to eat.' most likely quoting mum.
I get downstairs and mum is ranting at all of us how she asked us to help put decorations away and we did nothing. Clearly she'd already chewed the other two out because she had a go at me. 'You just stayed in your room all day doing nothing.' 'You're sixteen years old' 'You could have offered to do the ironing.'
My responses were 'your point?' 'I was doing coursework actually.' Which I had been for a good chunk of the afternoon.
She said 'You've had two weeks to do your homework.'
So of course I said 'I've got more coursework than two weeks can handle'.
Other stuff was said and she yelled about me 'swanning off with alex' and 'doing nothing'.
So I went back upstairs and yelled that I wasn't coming back until she could be civil.
My dad came up and said she's stressed, had no help all day yadda yadda yadda. That is no excuse to be that rude. I do stuff all day and don't get help. Coursework isn't exactly a picnic and requires a damn sight more effort and thought than putting baubles back in their boxes. He said to just come down and I said 'no not if she's going to have a go at me again.' Because frankly, I refuse to have to sit stewing in anger trying to eat whilst I get abuse hurled at me. No fucking way. So he said 'well you'll have to go hungry again'.
I said I didn't care.

And I don't. I'd rather starve than sit through something I've sat through before. Complaints and abuse and crap like that. I've stared at my plate in silence being angry inside before and I hate it hate it hate it. I'm not doing it any more. I'll starve, I don't care.

I'm just waiting for the day when she finally throws me out. It'll happen at this rate. Why is it that parents can't for the life of them remember what it was like to be the age their children are? Sure things were stricter but oh what the fuck ever!

I'm sick of her being nice occassionally, like she was when we went shopping for wedding clothes and then pulling crap like this. Stress is not an excuse. I get stressed and don't feel the need to hurl abuse at my nearest and dearest. When I'm stressed and working on something and Alex is there I don't take it out on him. If I do I apologize immediately.

God I can't wait to get out of here.