Okay, guys. Hi. I guess I need to actually comment a bunch of people and tell them I've moved.
I never thought I'd do it - actually make a whole new blog for myself. I always said that I'd stay in the same place, leave all the new and old, good and bad together. Just so I could look back and see how much I'd changed. But I can't. I haven't been posting at all recently, though I've had plenty of oppurtunity to. Now that I am, I can feel how easy it is to do so.
Hi Levi, if you're reading this. So far you're the only person I've given the address to. Simply because I was checking your blog whilst I was making my new one.
I don't know what things'll be like here. Probably the same.
Oh yes, I also deleted my writing blog and the BOA one. Because I can't even update one blog, let alone three.
Well, this is a first post, and if anyone comes here then they might be reading this without ever having read the old blog, so, I guess I'll introduce myself for those people.
My pen name is Luci de Monica, my real name is Sam.
I'm fifteen
I'm female (omigod no way, right? No girls on the internet and all that)
I'm pretty much the same as a lot of other 15 year old girls. I like to read, listen to music, write and draw. I obsess over stuff, and I started getting into anime a couple of months ago, but I've been reading manga for longer.
I'm a bit of a perfectionist.
I hate starting new things after doing one thing like it for ages, which is why it's taken me so long to make a new blog.
I'm a semi-practising pagan still hunting for a path, but I hope that my religion won't get in the way of any potential friendships.
I can get annoyed easily and have mood swings like a lot of people.
I will be self-publishing my first novel soon, though I wish I had longer to perfect it.
If I haven't scared off any new readers yet, then hi. I'm Luci...no, wait. There's something I have to say.
On this blog, I will be calling myself by my real name. I am Sam. I'm not going to post stuff to try and impress people any more - nobody probably noticed on my old blog, but I was writing in a way that would make people think I was funny and cool. I'm not very funny and I'm not that cool.
I've decided to try and accept that. People may argue about both of those, but I would ask you not to. It's something I've decided for myself. And that's who I want to be now - myself. I've had realisations in little bursts about my personality and stuff.
(yes, this is going to be a looong post, so sit down comfortably)
First off. I'm not confident, I've just ceased to care what others think about me.
People judge me on my looks. This was proved when I went out dressed the most gothic I ever have been - short black&red ruffled lacy type skirt, fishnet tights, midriff showing, long sleeved top, eyeliner, lace up boots....I had so many dirty looks thrown my way it was a wonder I didn't need a shower afterwards. If I'd been wearing jeans and a shirt, people wouldn't have given me a second glance.
I don't care about this. I still want people to lable me though. Which is selfish and dumb. I want to dress in a way that people I think are cool will look at me and go 'that girl looks cool!'
I'm tired of that. I want to find out who I am and then just be that person. The people who matter will know and that's all that counts.
Another realisation - I am a very small person in the grand scheme of things.
Another - my problems may not be bigger or more horrible than someone elses but they still matter to me.
And another - I don't need to be any kind of famous to be happy. I don't need a hundered thousand page views on DeviantArt, I don't need thousands of reviewers on FanFiction or Fictionpress, I don't need a million subscribers on YouTube. Sure, I want them. It would be nice to have recognition. But I don't need them to be happy. I can be happy just doing my own little thing.
That's it for this post. I haven't blogged in so long that I have a least another two posts I want to do today.
So, hi to any new people, hello to old viewers.
Sam.
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