Just as warning, I don't want any judgement, whoever is left that reads this. I need to vent and my head hurts and basically fuck.
Day before yesterday I was like this about my dad. I had to do some stuff on the computer and first of all got yelled at by my sister because even though she was on the other side of the room wrapping presents, she'd turned the computer on to use and had her memory stick plugged in. I didn't know this, there was no indication and may I point out that the USB connector was on the floor? A place I don't look when sitting down at a computer. Then later on after I'd finally managed to do what I needed to - the computer is slow as all get out - it was crashing as I tried to remove my sisters memory stick - which she couldn't be bothered to do herself. She didn't have time between finishing up, eating dinner and watching Dr Who. Oh yes, but I managed to have time to open up hotmail, save my image, open Publisher, paste it and print. But anyway. My dad then goes 'just shut it down it's okay.' Bear in mind I was already stressed. I then turn and see my mum going 'look at this' and holding up a crumpled teatowel, which I used to dry up earlier. Gee thanks, I dry up and get complained at for leaving a towel rumpled.
I don't entirely remember what happened next but I got annoyed, shut the computer down and then had my dad yell at me cause I'd let it do updates and we're not allowed to do that. Forgive me for forgetting an insignificant detail about a computer I use maybe once every few months when I need to print homework.
So, annoyed, I went to sit down and wait for the next TV programme to come on. Then my dad comes in and bitches that if the computer doesn't work again it's all my fault and other such niceties. Cue me storming upstairs reciting 'Give me the child, through dangers untold ...etc' over and over again so I don't punch my door in.
Then we have today. People were taking christmas decorations down etc. My dad wanted me to help take the lights down outside after dinner so I did. At no point did I hear my mum ask anything of me but for me to write my thank you letters. Which I have now done, thank you very much. So, as normal, I stayed in my room, vlogged, wrote a little, worked for a couple of hours on stuff for art and other things. Then just a bit before I started writing this, my brother says 'get you big fat face downstairs if you ever want anything to eat.' most likely quoting mum.
I get downstairs and mum is ranting at all of us how she asked us to help put decorations away and we did nothing. Clearly she'd already chewed the other two out because she had a go at me. 'You just stayed in your room all day doing nothing.' 'You're sixteen years old' 'You could have offered to do the ironing.'
My responses were 'your point?' 'I was doing coursework actually.' Which I had been for a good chunk of the afternoon.
She said 'You've had two weeks to do your homework.'
So of course I said 'I've got more coursework than two weeks can handle'.
Other stuff was said and she yelled about me 'swanning off with alex' and 'doing nothing'.
So I went back upstairs and yelled that I wasn't coming back until she could be civil.
My dad came up and said she's stressed, had no help all day yadda yadda yadda. That is no excuse to be that rude. I do stuff all day and don't get help. Coursework isn't exactly a picnic and requires a damn sight more effort and thought than putting baubles back in their boxes. He said to just come down and I said 'no not if she's going to have a go at me again.' Because frankly, I refuse to have to sit stewing in anger trying to eat whilst I get abuse hurled at me. No fucking way. So he said 'well you'll have to go hungry again'.
I said I didn't care.
And I don't. I'd rather starve than sit through something I've sat through before. Complaints and abuse and crap like that. I've stared at my plate in silence being angry inside before and I hate it hate it hate it. I'm not doing it any more. I'll starve, I don't care.
I'm just waiting for the day when she finally throws me out. It'll happen at this rate. Why is it that parents can't for the life of them remember what it was like to be the age their children are? Sure things were stricter but oh what the fuck ever!
I'm sick of her being nice occassionally, like she was when we went shopping for wedding clothes and then pulling crap like this. Stress is not an excuse. I get stressed and don't feel the need to hurl abuse at my nearest and dearest. When I'm stressed and working on something and Alex is there I don't take it out on him. If I do I apologize immediately.
God I can't wait to get out of here.
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
I need to not abandon stuff. Like the blog. And my DA account. And all that good stuff.
But yeah.
I vlog now, more than I blog. Though, I do kinda miss blogging. Typing random crap to amuse myself was kinda fun.
But still.
If you're at all interested in the crap I do then there are vlogs over at;
http://www.youtube.com/lucidemonica
including one with snow, some with dancing, many with dinosaurs and two with me embarrassing myself reading some old fanfics I found. Also 30 from november.
Soooo yeah. I don't really have anything else to say other than;
watch YuGiOh Abridged
I have an i-pod
I need to get better at painting
I have over a hundred drawings I want/need to do
I've still got c/w to do
I need to actually practise for my clarinet exam in easter or I'll fail
I have waaaaaay too many plastic cows for it to be normal. No seriously, over 20. That's....just not right
I need to update fanfics or people will murder me
I have two novels to edit and a dozen more I want to write
ITS NEARLY FECKING CHRISTMAS OMGOMGOMGOMG
yeeaaaahhh
So basically, if you want to see and hear the same sort of stuff that used to wind up typed sporadically here, go subscribe to my youtube account and get sporadic video updates! With dinosaurs in them!
Victor the velociraptor is my official mascot. Don't ask. Really.
Feels weird blogging again.
:3
But yeah.
I vlog now, more than I blog. Though, I do kinda miss blogging. Typing random crap to amuse myself was kinda fun.
But still.
If you're at all interested in the crap I do then there are vlogs over at;
http://www.youtube.com/lucidemonica
including one with snow, some with dancing, many with dinosaurs and two with me embarrassing myself reading some old fanfics I found. Also 30 from november.
Soooo yeah. I don't really have anything else to say other than;
watch YuGiOh Abridged
I have an i-pod
I need to get better at painting
I have over a hundred drawings I want/need to do
I've still got c/w to do
I need to actually practise for my clarinet exam in easter or I'll fail
I have waaaaaay too many plastic cows for it to be normal. No seriously, over 20. That's....just not right
I need to update fanfics or people will murder me
I have two novels to edit and a dozen more I want to write
ITS NEARLY FECKING CHRISTMAS OMGOMGOMGOMG
yeeaaaahhh
So basically, if you want to see and hear the same sort of stuff that used to wind up typed sporadically here, go subscribe to my youtube account and get sporadic video updates! With dinosaurs in them!
Victor the velociraptor is my official mascot. Don't ask. Really.
Feels weird blogging again.
:3
Sunday, 1 November 2009
fuck
'Down feeling down falling down sinking furhter down
misery circles around
wane feel the pain gone insane and this life's to blame
seems like its all in vain
dark the past was dark the present's dark the future seems so dark'
'and i keep falling further down'
'seems like i'm falling deeper
deeper inside myself'
'these feelings inside me
keep bringing me further and further down
been lost for so long cant find my way home
i dont even know where i belong'
'ive faced all the ages all alone all by myself
never ending is the treason in every night
and every day
the circle drives me insane'
Sirenia lyrics
crap at everything that isnt completely fictional.
fuck expectations. i cant ever fail anything, fuck no.
screw school. screw homework.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
no you havent told me all week, you just mentioned it today if you tell me something check that ive fucking well heard you.
fuck spelling and grammar and punctuation. noone gives a shit anyway apparently. noone important anyway.
why the hell do i even bother. hardly anyone else seems to. why do i have to keep churning out good things even at the last minute when everyone elses writes crap and doesnt care.
why do i fucking care? none of its important anyway
cant you just see the looks if i give up?
FFFFFFFFFFF
UUUUUUUUU
that would be fun
not really
sdgjta;osri'hnjfg'assdjfhhdsrgjstdf;hshfgogf
#
why cant i do anything right?
this house is not a home. thats 3dg lyrics, yeah?
dont even care enough to look.
fjsshgjhargaj'kjrdgfadkj
FFS
cant even care anymore
misery circles around
wane feel the pain gone insane and this life's to blame
seems like its all in vain
dark the past was dark the present's dark the future seems so dark'
'and i keep falling further down'
'seems like i'm falling deeper
deeper inside myself'
'these feelings inside me
keep bringing me further and further down
been lost for so long cant find my way home
i dont even know where i belong'
'ive faced all the ages all alone all by myself
never ending is the treason in every night
and every day
the circle drives me insane'
Sirenia lyrics
crap at everything that isnt completely fictional.
fuck expectations. i cant ever fail anything, fuck no.
screw school. screw homework.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
no you havent told me all week, you just mentioned it today if you tell me something check that ive fucking well heard you.
fuck spelling and grammar and punctuation. noone gives a shit anyway apparently. noone important anyway.
why the hell do i even bother. hardly anyone else seems to. why do i have to keep churning out good things even at the last minute when everyone elses writes crap and doesnt care.
why do i fucking care? none of its important anyway
cant you just see the looks if i give up?
FFFFFFFFFFF
UUUUUUUUU
that would be fun
not really
sdgjta;osri'hnjfg'assdjfhhdsrgjstdf;hshfgogf
#
why cant i do anything right?
this house is not a home. thats 3dg lyrics, yeah?
dont even care enough to look.
fjsshgjhargaj'kjrdgfadkj
FFS
cant even care anymore
Friday, 23 October 2009
Velociraptors are cool
That has nothing to do with anything.
Meh. It's half term! Starting next week! I have to go in on Monday for History and on Thursday for ICT! Huzzah!
In other news, videos from my birthday are up on youtube now.
My account: http://www.youtube.com/user/lucidemonica
I'm supposedly going to be doing a vlog every day in NaNo as well as writing a serious novel and a silly one for writers block. And continuing with school work, homework, revision, coursework etc.
I should seriously stop trying to do so much at once. Seriously.
Weeeell anyway, today sucked after school. I was meant to have netball and was already resigned to being the only year 11 there (the others weren't coming and Megan's in Ireland). But then I'd been there for over a quarter of an hour and no one else had showed up so I went to get changed back and go home. Then miss shows up and goes 'oh sorry, there's no netball, I told the year tens and all the year nines are in Spain.' Yeah. Thanks for letting the year elevens know. Just because there are hardly any of us that go....it would've been nice to know. So then I had to cycle home on my own.
But I'm not that angry any more. I can't really be when I'm excited for NaNo, have MCR playing and Victor the cuddly Velociraptor toy sitting on my desk looking at me all cutely.
So yeah.
See ya.
(I haven't died I promise, I'm still a blogging person. I just take long unexplained absences because when I announce I'm going to do something I usually wind up not doing it. fail)
Meh. It's half term! Starting next week! I have to go in on Monday for History and on Thursday for ICT! Huzzah!
In other news, videos from my birthday are up on youtube now.
My account: http://www.youtube.com/user/lucidemonica
I'm supposedly going to be doing a vlog every day in NaNo as well as writing a serious novel and a silly one for writers block. And continuing with school work, homework, revision, coursework etc.
I should seriously stop trying to do so much at once. Seriously.
Weeeell anyway, today sucked after school. I was meant to have netball and was already resigned to being the only year 11 there (the others weren't coming and Megan's in Ireland). But then I'd been there for over a quarter of an hour and no one else had showed up so I went to get changed back and go home. Then miss shows up and goes 'oh sorry, there's no netball, I told the year tens and all the year nines are in Spain.' Yeah. Thanks for letting the year elevens know. Just because there are hardly any of us that go....it would've been nice to know. So then I had to cycle home on my own.
But I'm not that angry any more. I can't really be when I'm excited for NaNo, have MCR playing and Victor the cuddly Velociraptor toy sitting on my desk looking at me all cutely.
So yeah.
See ya.
(I haven't died I promise, I'm still a blogging person. I just take long unexplained absences because when I announce I'm going to do something I usually wind up not doing it. fail)
Thursday, 8 October 2009
NaNo!
So. I have got what I want to write for NaNo and I am pretty excited about it. Though, there is always the chance that I'll be slammed face first into November with a new idea and spend a month writing that and then go 'argh! my other idea! nooo!'
Anyhow, it seems that although I picked mostly-steampunk as my genre before logging into the NaNo forums for this year, a fair number of fellow NaNo-ers are also doing steampunk. Creepy.
Anyhow, the story was essentially inspired by spam mail. All the names of the MCs are from spam mail. Win.
The story is in first person and written in a fairly....high class? way. The MC is a high class lady but she does have a sense of humour, more so than most. Although the novel is set in the future, the world is powered by steam. Huzzah! I may or may not have to come up with an explanation for that.
The main character - Catina Edgar - is drawn into the world of vampire hunting (and the hunting of other creatures of the night - when on her wedding night her new husband suddenly begins to shed his skin and attack her! She is saved by the vampire hunter, Henrietta Conte and thus begins the story. Catina's maid is also drawn in and she will become a subplot if I have my way and remember to put her in properly.
The title for the moment is The Cradle of Salvation - named after a line in a Draconian song that I was listening to on my paper round. In the idea I have, Henrietta is looking for the Cradle (for reasons that shall remain a secret). I may make the Cradle be a person not an object, but I'm not sure whether that's cliche or not. A lot of stories have a person be the thing someones looking for (coughcoughHeroescoughcough).
Anyway, I'm pretty excited.
Also because there is a second story I'll have on the go at the same time. It isn't a serious one and I don't intend to finish it. It's the sort of light hearted, plotless thing to relieve writers block. Inspired by our RP sessions, it's about a narrator trying to take a band of heroes to stop the Dark Lord. But they don't really want to cooperate, if you catch my drift.
Heh, it'll be good for writing amusing dialogue and keeping me occupied.
See ya later
Sam
Anyhow, it seems that although I picked mostly-steampunk as my genre before logging into the NaNo forums for this year, a fair number of fellow NaNo-ers are also doing steampunk. Creepy.
Anyhow, the story was essentially inspired by spam mail. All the names of the MCs are from spam mail. Win.
The story is in first person and written in a fairly....high class? way. The MC is a high class lady but she does have a sense of humour, more so than most. Although the novel is set in the future, the world is powered by steam. Huzzah! I may or may not have to come up with an explanation for that.
The main character - Catina Edgar - is drawn into the world of vampire hunting (and the hunting of other creatures of the night - when on her wedding night her new husband suddenly begins to shed his skin and attack her! She is saved by the vampire hunter, Henrietta Conte and thus begins the story. Catina's maid is also drawn in and she will become a subplot if I have my way and remember to put her in properly.
The title for the moment is The Cradle of Salvation - named after a line in a Draconian song that I was listening to on my paper round. In the idea I have, Henrietta is looking for the Cradle (for reasons that shall remain a secret). I may make the Cradle be a person not an object, but I'm not sure whether that's cliche or not. A lot of stories have a person be the thing someones looking for (coughcoughHeroescoughcough).
Anyway, I'm pretty excited.
Also because there is a second story I'll have on the go at the same time. It isn't a serious one and I don't intend to finish it. It's the sort of light hearted, plotless thing to relieve writers block. Inspired by our RP sessions, it's about a narrator trying to take a band of heroes to stop the Dark Lord. But they don't really want to cooperate, if you catch my drift.
Heh, it'll be good for writing amusing dialogue and keeping me occupied.
See ya later
Sam
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Yay!
So. It's my birthday. According to...well, when I was born, I've been sixteen for an hour and 35 minutes. Clue; it's 12;35, work out when I was born. Lol, maths for you guys on a Sunday. It's my birthday, I'll do what I like.
I'm getting presents from the family at lunch, though I got one present early.
-drumroll-
VIDEO CAMERA. HELL YES. It is red and shiny and awesome and matches my camera. I'm such a nerd.
I'm going bowling and pizza eating with the guys from 4pm onwards, so, more on that later I guess. Going for dinner now, will finish post afterwards...
xxx
back. and has presents now, wooo.
In summary:
Brother: Chocolates
Sister: Awesome elf on horseback with a dragon on her arm model (from this collection of really cool plastic elves. trust me, they rock, I already have one of them)
Grandma: £20 and a book on weird 'unanswerable' type question.
Parents: (asides from the video camera) Guitar Hero Decades, booklight, 8gb memory card and a dragon crossstich picture thing that my mums been doing since before we went to wales.
Various Relatives: MONEHSSSSSSS
lots&lots of monehs. So...very....rich.
Anyhow, what else? Oh yah, I was gonna tell you our bowling names.
ahem
Me: Watson
Alex: Batman
Megan: Holmes
Simon: Cpt Camp
Adam: Groinage
Josh: Nobody
Sean: The Freak
Jack: Blackleaf
Connor: Eskimo
AJ: Chaotsu
Ah, I love inside jokes. Except Connors. There's no joke there, he just wanted to be called Eskimo. The Chaotsu thing is from Dragonball Z Abridged. I prolly spelt it wrong but who cares. AJ was either that or Ajmilf. We convinced him that every time he gets a strike he has to pretend to explode.
Who still uses the barriers in bowling? -raises hand- ahhahahah, I'm a noob, but whatever. I'm the eldest noob there and I'm paying so, noone can say anything -evil laugh-
I've given up watching .hack for the time being. It was boring me a little. I'll come back to it later cause I can't not watch an entire anime. In the meantime I'm amusing myself with Minami-ke. There are 3 seasons and an OVA but whatever. It's comedy/slice of life and very funny. Highly reccommended.
I need a red phone now. My video camera and normal camera are red, so I need my phone to be to! I like to match. Bleh.
Hmmhmmhmm, I haven't blogged in aaages.
I can't wait for Halloween or NaNo. Not sure what I'm writing yet but I have been making notes for a bunch of ideas. Yesterday I was bored so I fished around in my ideas file and just started writing a bit for one of the incredibly short story starts I made. I got a couple of pages written I think. Good way to pass the time.
For Halloween, I'm going as Shilo. I only need a ruffled shirt, cameo button, pointier heeled boots and some tights for my arms and I'm done. I have normal tights, a waistcoat, a skirt, blue glowsticks and permission to dye my hair black and straighten it already. Hells yes.
See youg guys later. I'm gonna go hunt down my DS and have a go at Guitar Hero Decades. Let's see how well I do.....prolly gonna warm up on medium to be honest then do most of it on hard. Easy's too, well, easy!
See ya!
Sam.
I'm getting presents from the family at lunch, though I got one present early.
-drumroll-
VIDEO CAMERA. HELL YES. It is red and shiny and awesome and matches my camera. I'm such a nerd.
I'm going bowling and pizza eating with the guys from 4pm onwards, so, more on that later I guess. Going for dinner now, will finish post afterwards...
xxx
back. and has presents now, wooo.
In summary:
Brother: Chocolates
Sister: Awesome elf on horseback with a dragon on her arm model (from this collection of really cool plastic elves. trust me, they rock, I already have one of them)
Grandma: £20 and a book on weird 'unanswerable' type question.
Parents: (asides from the video camera) Guitar Hero Decades, booklight, 8gb memory card and a dragon crossstich picture thing that my mums been doing since before we went to wales.
Various Relatives: MONEHSSSSSSS
lots&lots of monehs. So...very....rich.
Anyhow, what else? Oh yah, I was gonna tell you our bowling names.
ahem
Me: Watson
Alex: Batman
Megan: Holmes
Simon: Cpt Camp
Adam: Groinage
Josh: Nobody
Sean: The Freak
Jack: Blackleaf
Connor: Eskimo
AJ: Chaotsu
Ah, I love inside jokes. Except Connors. There's no joke there, he just wanted to be called Eskimo. The Chaotsu thing is from Dragonball Z Abridged. I prolly spelt it wrong but who cares. AJ was either that or Ajmilf. We convinced him that every time he gets a strike he has to pretend to explode.
Who still uses the barriers in bowling? -raises hand- ahhahahah, I'm a noob, but whatever. I'm the eldest noob there and I'm paying so, noone can say anything -evil laugh-
I've given up watching .hack for the time being. It was boring me a little. I'll come back to it later cause I can't not watch an entire anime. In the meantime I'm amusing myself with Minami-ke. There are 3 seasons and an OVA but whatever. It's comedy/slice of life and very funny. Highly reccommended.
I need a red phone now. My video camera and normal camera are red, so I need my phone to be to! I like to match. Bleh.
Hmmhmmhmm, I haven't blogged in aaages.
I can't wait for Halloween or NaNo. Not sure what I'm writing yet but I have been making notes for a bunch of ideas. Yesterday I was bored so I fished around in my ideas file and just started writing a bit for one of the incredibly short story starts I made. I got a couple of pages written I think. Good way to pass the time.
For Halloween, I'm going as Shilo. I only need a ruffled shirt, cameo button, pointier heeled boots and some tights for my arms and I'm done. I have normal tights, a waistcoat, a skirt, blue glowsticks and permission to dye my hair black and straighten it already. Hells yes.
See youg guys later. I'm gonna go hunt down my DS and have a go at Guitar Hero Decades. Let's see how well I do.....prolly gonna warm up on medium to be honest then do most of it on hard. Easy's too, well, easy!
See ya!
Sam.
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