cheered up a bit now, thanks to alex.
possibly figured out the reason for my sudden fit of self hatred.
it has been four weeks, is your only clue. be smart.
NaNo word count is 1836.
secondary NaNo wordcount is less than 1000
first vlog is up
enjoy life
Sunday, 1 November 2009
fuck
'Down feeling down falling down sinking furhter down
misery circles around
wane feel the pain gone insane and this life's to blame
seems like its all in vain
dark the past was dark the present's dark the future seems so dark'
'and i keep falling further down'
'seems like i'm falling deeper
deeper inside myself'
'these feelings inside me
keep bringing me further and further down
been lost for so long cant find my way home
i dont even know where i belong'
'ive faced all the ages all alone all by myself
never ending is the treason in every night
and every day
the circle drives me insane'
Sirenia lyrics
crap at everything that isnt completely fictional.
fuck expectations. i cant ever fail anything, fuck no.
screw school. screw homework.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
no you havent told me all week, you just mentioned it today if you tell me something check that ive fucking well heard you.
fuck spelling and grammar and punctuation. noone gives a shit anyway apparently. noone important anyway.
why the hell do i even bother. hardly anyone else seems to. why do i have to keep churning out good things even at the last minute when everyone elses writes crap and doesnt care.
why do i fucking care? none of its important anyway
cant you just see the looks if i give up?
FFFFFFFFFFF
UUUUUUUUU
that would be fun
not really
sdgjta;osri'hnjfg'assdjfhhdsrgjstdf;hshfgogf
#
why cant i do anything right?
this house is not a home. thats 3dg lyrics, yeah?
dont even care enough to look.
fjsshgjhargaj'kjrdgfadkj
FFS
cant even care anymore
misery circles around
wane feel the pain gone insane and this life's to blame
seems like its all in vain
dark the past was dark the present's dark the future seems so dark'
'and i keep falling further down'
'seems like i'm falling deeper
deeper inside myself'
'these feelings inside me
keep bringing me further and further down
been lost for so long cant find my way home
i dont even know where i belong'
'ive faced all the ages all alone all by myself
never ending is the treason in every night
and every day
the circle drives me insane'
Sirenia lyrics
crap at everything that isnt completely fictional.
fuck expectations. i cant ever fail anything, fuck no.
screw school. screw homework.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
no you havent told me all week, you just mentioned it today if you tell me something check that ive fucking well heard you.
fuck spelling and grammar and punctuation. noone gives a shit anyway apparently. noone important anyway.
why the hell do i even bother. hardly anyone else seems to. why do i have to keep churning out good things even at the last minute when everyone elses writes crap and doesnt care.
why do i fucking care? none of its important anyway
cant you just see the looks if i give up?
FFFFFFFFFFF
UUUUUUUUU
that would be fun
not really
sdgjta;osri'hnjfg'assdjfhhdsrgjstdf;hshfgogf
#
why cant i do anything right?
this house is not a home. thats 3dg lyrics, yeah?
dont even care enough to look.
fjsshgjhargaj'kjrdgfadkj
FFS
cant even care anymore
Friday, 23 October 2009
Velociraptors are cool
That has nothing to do with anything.
Meh. It's half term! Starting next week! I have to go in on Monday for History and on Thursday for ICT! Huzzah!
In other news, videos from my birthday are up on youtube now.
My account: http://www.youtube.com/user/lucidemonica
I'm supposedly going to be doing a vlog every day in NaNo as well as writing a serious novel and a silly one for writers block. And continuing with school work, homework, revision, coursework etc.
I should seriously stop trying to do so much at once. Seriously.
Weeeell anyway, today sucked after school. I was meant to have netball and was already resigned to being the only year 11 there (the others weren't coming and Megan's in Ireland). But then I'd been there for over a quarter of an hour and no one else had showed up so I went to get changed back and go home. Then miss shows up and goes 'oh sorry, there's no netball, I told the year tens and all the year nines are in Spain.' Yeah. Thanks for letting the year elevens know. Just because there are hardly any of us that go....it would've been nice to know. So then I had to cycle home on my own.
But I'm not that angry any more. I can't really be when I'm excited for NaNo, have MCR playing and Victor the cuddly Velociraptor toy sitting on my desk looking at me all cutely.
So yeah.
See ya.
(I haven't died I promise, I'm still a blogging person. I just take long unexplained absences because when I announce I'm going to do something I usually wind up not doing it. fail)
Meh. It's half term! Starting next week! I have to go in on Monday for History and on Thursday for ICT! Huzzah!
In other news, videos from my birthday are up on youtube now.
My account: http://www.youtube.com/user/lucidemonica
I'm supposedly going to be doing a vlog every day in NaNo as well as writing a serious novel and a silly one for writers block. And continuing with school work, homework, revision, coursework etc.
I should seriously stop trying to do so much at once. Seriously.
Weeeell anyway, today sucked after school. I was meant to have netball and was already resigned to being the only year 11 there (the others weren't coming and Megan's in Ireland). But then I'd been there for over a quarter of an hour and no one else had showed up so I went to get changed back and go home. Then miss shows up and goes 'oh sorry, there's no netball, I told the year tens and all the year nines are in Spain.' Yeah. Thanks for letting the year elevens know. Just because there are hardly any of us that go....it would've been nice to know. So then I had to cycle home on my own.
But I'm not that angry any more. I can't really be when I'm excited for NaNo, have MCR playing and Victor the cuddly Velociraptor toy sitting on my desk looking at me all cutely.
So yeah.
See ya.
(I haven't died I promise, I'm still a blogging person. I just take long unexplained absences because when I announce I'm going to do something I usually wind up not doing it. fail)
Thursday, 8 October 2009
NaNo!
So. I have got what I want to write for NaNo and I am pretty excited about it. Though, there is always the chance that I'll be slammed face first into November with a new idea and spend a month writing that and then go 'argh! my other idea! nooo!'
Anyhow, it seems that although I picked mostly-steampunk as my genre before logging into the NaNo forums for this year, a fair number of fellow NaNo-ers are also doing steampunk. Creepy.
Anyhow, the story was essentially inspired by spam mail. All the names of the MCs are from spam mail. Win.
The story is in first person and written in a fairly....high class? way. The MC is a high class lady but she does have a sense of humour, more so than most. Although the novel is set in the future, the world is powered by steam. Huzzah! I may or may not have to come up with an explanation for that.
The main character - Catina Edgar - is drawn into the world of vampire hunting (and the hunting of other creatures of the night - when on her wedding night her new husband suddenly begins to shed his skin and attack her! She is saved by the vampire hunter, Henrietta Conte and thus begins the story. Catina's maid is also drawn in and she will become a subplot if I have my way and remember to put her in properly.
The title for the moment is The Cradle of Salvation - named after a line in a Draconian song that I was listening to on my paper round. In the idea I have, Henrietta is looking for the Cradle (for reasons that shall remain a secret). I may make the Cradle be a person not an object, but I'm not sure whether that's cliche or not. A lot of stories have a person be the thing someones looking for (coughcoughHeroescoughcough).
Anyway, I'm pretty excited.
Also because there is a second story I'll have on the go at the same time. It isn't a serious one and I don't intend to finish it. It's the sort of light hearted, plotless thing to relieve writers block. Inspired by our RP sessions, it's about a narrator trying to take a band of heroes to stop the Dark Lord. But they don't really want to cooperate, if you catch my drift.
Heh, it'll be good for writing amusing dialogue and keeping me occupied.
See ya later
Sam
Anyhow, it seems that although I picked mostly-steampunk as my genre before logging into the NaNo forums for this year, a fair number of fellow NaNo-ers are also doing steampunk. Creepy.
Anyhow, the story was essentially inspired by spam mail. All the names of the MCs are from spam mail. Win.
The story is in first person and written in a fairly....high class? way. The MC is a high class lady but she does have a sense of humour, more so than most. Although the novel is set in the future, the world is powered by steam. Huzzah! I may or may not have to come up with an explanation for that.
The main character - Catina Edgar - is drawn into the world of vampire hunting (and the hunting of other creatures of the night - when on her wedding night her new husband suddenly begins to shed his skin and attack her! She is saved by the vampire hunter, Henrietta Conte and thus begins the story. Catina's maid is also drawn in and she will become a subplot if I have my way and remember to put her in properly.
The title for the moment is The Cradle of Salvation - named after a line in a Draconian song that I was listening to on my paper round. In the idea I have, Henrietta is looking for the Cradle (for reasons that shall remain a secret). I may make the Cradle be a person not an object, but I'm not sure whether that's cliche or not. A lot of stories have a person be the thing someones looking for (coughcoughHeroescoughcough).
Anyway, I'm pretty excited.
Also because there is a second story I'll have on the go at the same time. It isn't a serious one and I don't intend to finish it. It's the sort of light hearted, plotless thing to relieve writers block. Inspired by our RP sessions, it's about a narrator trying to take a band of heroes to stop the Dark Lord. But they don't really want to cooperate, if you catch my drift.
Heh, it'll be good for writing amusing dialogue and keeping me occupied.
See ya later
Sam
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Yay!
So. It's my birthday. According to...well, when I was born, I've been sixteen for an hour and 35 minutes. Clue; it's 12;35, work out when I was born. Lol, maths for you guys on a Sunday. It's my birthday, I'll do what I like.
I'm getting presents from the family at lunch, though I got one present early.
-drumroll-
VIDEO CAMERA. HELL YES. It is red and shiny and awesome and matches my camera. I'm such a nerd.
I'm going bowling and pizza eating with the guys from 4pm onwards, so, more on that later I guess. Going for dinner now, will finish post afterwards...
xxx
back. and has presents now, wooo.
In summary:
Brother: Chocolates
Sister: Awesome elf on horseback with a dragon on her arm model (from this collection of really cool plastic elves. trust me, they rock, I already have one of them)
Grandma: £20 and a book on weird 'unanswerable' type question.
Parents: (asides from the video camera) Guitar Hero Decades, booklight, 8gb memory card and a dragon crossstich picture thing that my mums been doing since before we went to wales.
Various Relatives: MONEHSSSSSSS
lots&lots of monehs. So...very....rich.
Anyhow, what else? Oh yah, I was gonna tell you our bowling names.
ahem
Me: Watson
Alex: Batman
Megan: Holmes
Simon: Cpt Camp
Adam: Groinage
Josh: Nobody
Sean: The Freak
Jack: Blackleaf
Connor: Eskimo
AJ: Chaotsu
Ah, I love inside jokes. Except Connors. There's no joke there, he just wanted to be called Eskimo. The Chaotsu thing is from Dragonball Z Abridged. I prolly spelt it wrong but who cares. AJ was either that or Ajmilf. We convinced him that every time he gets a strike he has to pretend to explode.
Who still uses the barriers in bowling? -raises hand- ahhahahah, I'm a noob, but whatever. I'm the eldest noob there and I'm paying so, noone can say anything -evil laugh-
I've given up watching .hack for the time being. It was boring me a little. I'll come back to it later cause I can't not watch an entire anime. In the meantime I'm amusing myself with Minami-ke. There are 3 seasons and an OVA but whatever. It's comedy/slice of life and very funny. Highly reccommended.
I need a red phone now. My video camera and normal camera are red, so I need my phone to be to! I like to match. Bleh.
Hmmhmmhmm, I haven't blogged in aaages.
I can't wait for Halloween or NaNo. Not sure what I'm writing yet but I have been making notes for a bunch of ideas. Yesterday I was bored so I fished around in my ideas file and just started writing a bit for one of the incredibly short story starts I made. I got a couple of pages written I think. Good way to pass the time.
For Halloween, I'm going as Shilo. I only need a ruffled shirt, cameo button, pointier heeled boots and some tights for my arms and I'm done. I have normal tights, a waistcoat, a skirt, blue glowsticks and permission to dye my hair black and straighten it already. Hells yes.
See youg guys later. I'm gonna go hunt down my DS and have a go at Guitar Hero Decades. Let's see how well I do.....prolly gonna warm up on medium to be honest then do most of it on hard. Easy's too, well, easy!
See ya!
Sam.
I'm getting presents from the family at lunch, though I got one present early.
-drumroll-
VIDEO CAMERA. HELL YES. It is red and shiny and awesome and matches my camera. I'm such a nerd.
I'm going bowling and pizza eating with the guys from 4pm onwards, so, more on that later I guess. Going for dinner now, will finish post afterwards...
xxx
back. and has presents now, wooo.
In summary:
Brother: Chocolates
Sister: Awesome elf on horseback with a dragon on her arm model (from this collection of really cool plastic elves. trust me, they rock, I already have one of them)
Grandma: £20 and a book on weird 'unanswerable' type question.
Parents: (asides from the video camera) Guitar Hero Decades, booklight, 8gb memory card and a dragon crossstich picture thing that my mums been doing since before we went to wales.
Various Relatives: MONEHSSSSSSS
lots&lots of monehs. So...very....rich.
Anyhow, what else? Oh yah, I was gonna tell you our bowling names.
ahem
Me: Watson
Alex: Batman
Megan: Holmes
Simon: Cpt Camp
Adam: Groinage
Josh: Nobody
Sean: The Freak
Jack: Blackleaf
Connor: Eskimo
AJ: Chaotsu
Ah, I love inside jokes. Except Connors. There's no joke there, he just wanted to be called Eskimo. The Chaotsu thing is from Dragonball Z Abridged. I prolly spelt it wrong but who cares. AJ was either that or Ajmilf. We convinced him that every time he gets a strike he has to pretend to explode.
Who still uses the barriers in bowling? -raises hand- ahhahahah, I'm a noob, but whatever. I'm the eldest noob there and I'm paying so, noone can say anything -evil laugh-
I've given up watching .hack for the time being. It was boring me a little. I'll come back to it later cause I can't not watch an entire anime. In the meantime I'm amusing myself with Minami-ke. There are 3 seasons and an OVA but whatever. It's comedy/slice of life and very funny. Highly reccommended.
I need a red phone now. My video camera and normal camera are red, so I need my phone to be to! I like to match. Bleh.
Hmmhmmhmm, I haven't blogged in aaages.
I can't wait for Halloween or NaNo. Not sure what I'm writing yet but I have been making notes for a bunch of ideas. Yesterday I was bored so I fished around in my ideas file and just started writing a bit for one of the incredibly short story starts I made. I got a couple of pages written I think. Good way to pass the time.
For Halloween, I'm going as Shilo. I only need a ruffled shirt, cameo button, pointier heeled boots and some tights for my arms and I'm done. I have normal tights, a waistcoat, a skirt, blue glowsticks and permission to dye my hair black and straighten it already. Hells yes.
See youg guys later. I'm gonna go hunt down my DS and have a go at Guitar Hero Decades. Let's see how well I do.....prolly gonna warm up on medium to be honest then do most of it on hard. Easy's too, well, easy!
See ya!
Sam.
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
warghghghghg
Yo, 'sup?
Basically....stuff.
What's happened? What did I even talk about in my last post? Whatever.
Anyhow, I am now Game Mistress Supreme and somehow have to come up with a Shadowrun plot by Saturday (why do I do this? I have no idea). FunFunFun.
I'm on the netball team now, which is awesome.
My new clarinet teacher seems nice enough.
Work experience is pretty good. I had to not go back after lunch today cause I was ill last nigh (vomit at 2am is so not on my list of Awesome Stuff) and then I was kinda of a little sick at work (in Pat's car, she had to pull over on our way back from the Rowans Children's Centre - and there was me being all anti-maternal and not wanting to work with children. Damn smalls keep invading my work experience)
So, I got most of the day off today. I also got a free DVD of Sweeney Todd, as they were selling a bunch off and Simon said just pick one you want, it's all good.
Lawl.
In other news: Simon has teh boytoy now, I believe his name is Finbar. Simon (not the Simon I work for at the library, Simon my age yadda yadda) worked MSN voodoo on him and now he is no longer straight. WIN.
What else? Not much, except I now have two library books to read (Through Violet Eyes and The Spy Who Haunted Me (Simon Green is amazing. What is it with all these Simon's lately?))
all good fun. Still only on episode 7 of .hack. meh, so not in an anime watching mood. Eventually I'll binge again, most likely during NaNo when I'm meant to be working.
See y'all later.
BYE
Sam.
Basically....stuff.
What's happened? What did I even talk about in my last post? Whatever.
Anyhow, I am now Game Mistress Supreme and somehow have to come up with a Shadowrun plot by Saturday (why do I do this? I have no idea). FunFunFun.
I'm on the netball team now, which is awesome.
My new clarinet teacher seems nice enough.
Work experience is pretty good. I had to not go back after lunch today cause I was ill last nigh (vomit at 2am is so not on my list of Awesome Stuff) and then I was kinda of a little sick at work (in Pat's car, she had to pull over on our way back from the Rowans Children's Centre - and there was me being all anti-maternal and not wanting to work with children. Damn smalls keep invading my work experience)
So, I got most of the day off today. I also got a free DVD of Sweeney Todd, as they were selling a bunch off and Simon said just pick one you want, it's all good.
Lawl.
In other news: Simon has teh boytoy now, I believe his name is Finbar. Simon (not the Simon I work for at the library, Simon my age yadda yadda) worked MSN voodoo on him and now he is no longer straight. WIN.
What else? Not much, except I now have two library books to read (Through Violet Eyes and The Spy Who Haunted Me (Simon Green is amazing. What is it with all these Simon's lately?))
all good fun. Still only on episode 7 of .hack. meh, so not in an anime watching mood. Eventually I'll binge again, most likely during NaNo when I'm meant to be working.
See y'all later.
BYE
Sam.
Monday, 7 September 2009
Usernames
Does anyone else have issues with their usernames for stuff or is it just me?
I get so fed up with my screen names on the internet. I'll make one and then after a while I'll hate it. But with most stuff, like DA, YouTube, forums etc, you can't change it once you have it unless you make a new account. Which is a pain in the rear because you have to re add all your subscriber stuff, some favourites, organise your channel or upload deviations and add all the people on your watchlist again....ugh.
But I don't like a lot of my UN's anymore. I'm never very good at sticking to liking one thing. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. But I always want a different username. The problem is that I can't think of better ones. Lucidemonica is all I know. I mean, I use Pandemonium on Everything Dragon but I hardly post on there any more. The only things I use frequently are DA, YouTube and Blogger. And my DA name is the one that I dislike the most. Luciferspet. Blegh. Hate it. But I made it when I was about twelve or thirteen or something.
Now of course I'm older and infinitely cooler ;p
meh. I guess I'll just stick with what I've got. Luci is as much a part of my life as myself. She's practically a second self. She's the front I put up so much online because she's everything I want to be; she's smart, dryly humorous, tough, kickass, stunningly gorgeous in the way that only the Demon-kyn can be. She is to me the epitome of what I could be if I simply pushed myself to the limit. I've never understood why I gave her so many brothers though. And made her the youngest sibling. Maybe it's some unconscious desire to not be the eldest and most relied upon. Meh.
PSYCHOANALYSIS FTW
In the meantime, I need video ideas. Music videos, AMV's, fan trailers, random crap, song-slideshows....anything you want that doesn't require footage of me talking and stuff. Cause my camera mic is fucked. Hopefully I'll get an actual video camera for my birthday. Huzzah!
Dewa mata!
Sam.
I get so fed up with my screen names on the internet. I'll make one and then after a while I'll hate it. But with most stuff, like DA, YouTube, forums etc, you can't change it once you have it unless you make a new account. Which is a pain in the rear because you have to re add all your subscriber stuff, some favourites, organise your channel or upload deviations and add all the people on your watchlist again....ugh.
But I don't like a lot of my UN's anymore. I'm never very good at sticking to liking one thing. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. But I always want a different username. The problem is that I can't think of better ones. Lucidemonica is all I know. I mean, I use Pandemonium on Everything Dragon but I hardly post on there any more. The only things I use frequently are DA, YouTube and Blogger. And my DA name is the one that I dislike the most. Luciferspet. Blegh. Hate it. But I made it when I was about twelve or thirteen or something.
Now of course I'm older and infinitely cooler ;p
meh. I guess I'll just stick with what I've got. Luci is as much a part of my life as myself. She's practically a second self. She's the front I put up so much online because she's everything I want to be; she's smart, dryly humorous, tough, kickass, stunningly gorgeous in the way that only the Demon-kyn can be. She is to me the epitome of what I could be if I simply pushed myself to the limit. I've never understood why I gave her so many brothers though. And made her the youngest sibling. Maybe it's some unconscious desire to not be the eldest and most relied upon. Meh.
PSYCHOANALYSIS FTW
In the meantime, I need video ideas. Music videos, AMV's, fan trailers, random crap, song-slideshows....anything you want that doesn't require footage of me talking and stuff. Cause my camera mic is fucked. Hopefully I'll get an actual video camera for my birthday. Huzzah!
Dewa mata!
Sam.
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